A Hero Lives Forever

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  Psalm 23:4

My mom called me at 4:40am Tuesday morning, February 11, 2014, crying.  I asked, "What's wrong?," thinking she would say something had happened to my elderly grandmother.  She cried, "Scott's been killed."  I made her repeat it as Chad grabbed me and we hugged and cried.  My baby brother, 34 year old Orange County Sheriff's Deputy Jonathan Scott Pine, was gone.

 

Let me back up a bit...

 

On Sunday, February 9, I was at church doing some painting on our new Adult 1 Wing.  Scott Facetimed me and when our phones connected I saw this...

(Scott took this picture Sunday afternoon of him and Maddox and put it on Facebook)

 

I ended up sitting on the floor, taking a break from painting, so I could talk to Scott.  We talked about how perfect the weather was there, I made him show me Maddox's outfit because I thought it was the one I had gotten him when they were here for Thanksgiving, I told Maddox I loved him and he showed me Haley and Ryker, who were riding their bikes.  We ended our conversation saying we loved each other.

 

On Monday, at 3:01am he posted some pictures on Facebook from the day before, including the one above, along with some pictures of the kids at the park.  I saw the pictures on Facebook and I "liked" them, thinking what a great daddy Scott was.

 

Monday night, I was on edge because we were expecting winter weather and Caddo Parish had already cancelled school for Tuesday.  I was finishing my last day of training for driving the school bus on Tuesday and I was nervous about driving to and from my bus the following morning.  I went to sleep probably around 10:30-10:45pm Monday night and then woke up and sent a Facebook message to a friend who works for the National Weather Service at 12:51am asking him about what the weather was going to do.

 

Little did I know, as I was sending that message to my Facebook friend, my brother had left this world and entered Heaven.

 

Back to sleep I went and woke up to my alarm at 4:30am.  I was laying there checking Facebook for any winter weather news when the call came at 4:40am.

 

My mom told me Sheriff's Deputy's were at her house and to come over.  Chad and I got dressed and walked to my mom and Jimmy's house.  I crying on the way over to my mom's house...and saying "I don't want to do this", "My poor Bridget", "Their babies", "Please, no God, not Scott."

 

We walked over to my mom's house and opened the door to three Bossier Parish Sheriff's Deputies standing, very solemn, in the living room.  I hugged Jimmy and then sat on the couch next to mom where she replayed the Deputies knocking on the door, her being handed a piece of paper with a phone number on it that had the 407 area code.  At some point, before reaching someone at that number her and Jimmy realized it had to be about Scott.   Major Patty Wells answered the phone and said, "We regret to inform you, your son, Deputy Scott Pine, was killed tonight."  They had done everything the could to save Scott's life and worked on him a long time trying to bring him back but he was already gone.

 

We sat there in disbelief of what we had just learned.  The Deputies were so kind as they shared what a brave man Scott must have been and how they know every day when they put on the uniform their life is at risk.  The Deputies left shortly after and we all sat in my parent's living room.  I thought of Bridget and how lost, confused and sad she must be, I thought of my niece and nephews and how their perfect world was going to change when they woke up and I thought of my boys, who would cry when their Uncle Scott and his family would leave.  We loved them all so much...the thought of Scott not being with his family and with us was just too much.

 

If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord.  So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.  Romans 14:8

 

Chad and I ended up coming back home to be with our boys when they woke up.  We decided not to wake them up but decided when one of them woke up we would wake the other so we could tell them both at the same time.  They ended up waking up at the same time.  I remember thinking that their innocence was going to be gone after we said just a few words to them.  Chad put his arms around their shoulders and walked them towards the living room and said he had something to tell them.  Chad's voice cracked and Parker looked at me and realized I had been crying and he said, "Cilla?"  (Our dog, who we all love.) With a sob Chad said, "Uncle Scott has been killed."  Both boys, started crying in a way I've never heard.  It was a cry that hurt so bad, almost a scream.  They came to me and both cried in my lap for a long time.

 

They asked a lot of questions as to what happened and we answered them as best as we could but we were mostly in shock, as we sat around.  Right next door, my mom and Jimmy were getting ready to go to my grandmother's to tell her about Scott being killed.  I was so sad knowing my mom was going to have to deliver this awful news to her mom, who had lost two children already. 

 

As the rest of the country was waking up we were searching for airplane tickets.  There was winter weather all around us and we could only find one ticket to Orlando.  That wasn't going to work.  Jimmy was talking about us driving but none of us were in any condition to drive.  Chad called to the Orange Country Sheriff's Office to see if there was any way they could help us.  This would start many phone calls back and forth with Major Wells and Brandon, who were doing everything they could to get us to Orlando.

 

I remember asking Major Wells, "How is Bridget?  How are the kids?"  She told me as best as she could how they were.  Then I don't remember what I asked that made her say this but she said, "We have people with your brother.  There will be with him around the clock.  He won't be alone."  That was the first time I realized how strong the brotherhood of a law enforcement officer was and how the Orange Country Sheriff's Office be taking care of us.

 

But our citizenship is in Heaven.  And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.  Philippians 3:20-21

 

I got online to look up anything I could find from the news in Orlando.  It wasn't hard to find information, since this kind of thing gets lots of attention and Orlando is in the Eastern Time Zone.  I remember watching a news report and seeing all these motorcycles, patrol cars and a white van turning a corner and the news anchor mentioning that they body of the "deputy" was being taken to the coroner's office.  I remember thinking 'that's not a just a "deputy"...that's my brother.

 

While we were waiting to figure out how we would get to Orlando, Chad had called some of his friend's from the Bossier Sheriff's Office to come talk to my boys, who were still in shock themselves.  These big, tall men in their uniforms sat down, one even kneeled, and talked to my boys about what a hero Scott was.

 

As the day wore on Brandon had mentioned possibly getting us on a private plane later that day or maybe even the next day.  They were doing EVERYTHING they could to get us there.  It was a crazy day as we were washing clothes to try and pack to leave to Florida.  I couldn't think at all.  Bro. Harrell came by to check on us, Bro. Bruce brought Cane's chicken over to us and my parents for lunch, Mrs. Judy Shipp brought some homemade dinner and my friend, Melissa, came and picked up Cilla to keep her until we got back.  These people were the hands and feet of Jesus.

 

We found out there was a plane flying into Alexandria to take my parents, my Aunt KK and Uncle Larry and Bridget's mom to Orlando that would be leaving around 4pm.  With the escort of the Bossier Parish Sheriff's Office and Bossier City Police, my parents went to Alexandria to meet the plane.  Later, we found out our plane would be leaving from Shreveport around 7pm.  Deputy Teague, the deputy that works security at the church and a friend, was at our house as we were trying to get to the airport.  It had already started sleeting so we were rushing to get out of the house.  I remember he was flipping off lights for us and then I remembered an doctors appointment I would need to cancel for Parker later in the week.  I found the card that had the appointment date on it and Deputy Teague cancelled that for me.

 

Jesus said to her, " I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?  John 11:25-26

 

Deputy Teague escorted us to Shreveport, where a Shreveport Police Officer escorted us to TAC Air.  I was very nervous to fly, especially in a small plane.  I don't love to fly anyway but that evening it has started sleeting and even walking from our car into TAC Air in Shreveport was slippery.  I remember seeing our plane land and showing the boys, while trying to act brave.  Oh, I get motion sickness, too.  We met our pilot, Bill, and he told us he was sorry for our loss.  We put our luggage on the plane and got seated.  I had never been on a plane like this.  It was one of those planes that you see in the movies...4 leather seats facing each other, roomy, with wood grain finish along the inside of the plane.  This was the kids first time to fly.  I told them, "don't get used to this."  Before the pilot started the plane he said the beautiful words, "do you mind if I pray?"  We, of course, told him to please pray.  For God to give us a Christian pilot, I was so thankful and was at peace during our flight.  Mike let both boys sit in the co-pilot seat for around 20-30 minutes each and he took a lot of time to show them things and talk to them.  I remember laying my head against the leather thinking, 'am I really sitting on a leather seat in a private jet heading to Florida because my brother was killed?'  Sadly...it was true.

 

When we arrived in Orlando, we were met by Tory, a deputy who would be with us all week.  He took us in his patrol car to the Loews Portofino Bay Hotel in Orlando.  When we arrived I saw my parents and Aunt KK and Uncle Larry, who had already been to Bridget's house and got to see her.  We got checked into the hotel.  My family was in a suite since there were 4 of us and everyone else was in a normal room near us.  Once again, I laid my head down thinking of Scott.  All he wanted us to do was come visit him and his family and would totally give me a hard time about it.  Here I was in his city, not to visit him, but to attend his funeral.

 

The next morning we woke up, had breakfast and were picked up at 10am by Tory to head to see Bridget and the kids.  I was so apprehensive...going to Scott's house but Scott not being there.  We drove up and I noticed patrol cars everywhere and deputies outside.  We walked in the door and there were people everywhere...most I didn't know.  The first thing I could see was my niece and oldest nephew outside playing in the back yard.  I looked at them having so much fun, their faces red from playing outside in the Florida warmth, and wishing we were there for a different reason, wishing they didn't have to experience this hurt, wishing their daddy was with them and I was in Louisiana.  My heart ached for all they had lost.  Hayden and Parker ran straight to the back yard and as I followed I heard Haley yell, "Double A!!!"  Scott had come up with that name, for his kids to call me...Double A for Aunt Angela.  It was music to my ears to hear her so excitedly shout my name.

 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

 

Less than 48 hours earlier, my brother had left his house to go work his shift only to never return.  Now, his house was command central.  The kitchen table, had turned to a mobile office space with laptops covering the table, with deputies talking on cell phones that were, at times, plugged in to a power source, charging, because they needed to make so many arrangements.  The kitchen had food stacked on the countertops from donations, dozens of two litters and bottled waters were along the wall in the kitchen along with ice chests.  There were at least 20 people, if not more, in the house at all times.  People were talking quietly in little groups and we were meeting the friends, who were more like family, to Scott and Bridget.

 

The day was filled with lots of shock.  None of us could believe what happened.  As I walked around the house I saw reminders of Scott everywhere.  I saw his uniforms hanging in the laundry room, I noticed Blue Bell ice cream in the freezer wondering if he had just bought it, I met a lady, Shelly, a family friend, who mentioned that her family and Scott's family were supposed to be going camping that following weekend.  Life just...stopped...at least here on Earth.  The other reminders of Scott I saw were the 4 most precious...my beautiful sister-in-law, Bridget, 6 year old niece Haley, 4 1/2 year old nephew, Ryker and 14 month old nephew, Maddox.  Life would go on...

 

I'll never forget hugging Bridget and her saying, "I loved your brother.  He was the love of my life."  I told her I knew and that he loved her, too.  Haley and Maddox spent the next few days playing.  Many of Scott and Bridget's friends had young children and so they children were in and out of the house. 

 

We were sitting outside on the patio and I saw a large number of people come in the house.  Word got back that it was Scott's squad and Sheriff Jerry Demings.  I went in the house and sat on the couch.  I could tell some of the people were spouses of Scott's squad members.  Men and women filled the living room and kitchen in some sort of circle.  Some of America's bravest right here...broken, their faces so somber, eyes red, from crying.  Bridget stood in the center of the circle as each deputy shared things about Scott, hugged her and cried with her.  Many of them shared how much Scott loved Bridget and the kids, how he continued to work the night shift so he could be with his family and also, if he asked for time off, it was because he was planning something with his family.  "Family Man" were words that came up often.

 

Let not your hearts be troubled.  Believe in God; believe also in me.  John 14:1

 

One of Scott's squad mates, Deputy Taylor, wrote this the morning Scott died.  It's beautifully written and speaks to how so many felt about Scott...

 

You were and are my brother, one I considered to be a best friend. You are truly what it is to a be a great man and father. Today my heart has been torn from my chest and to see the ones you love so deeply, hurt they way they are right now. You were my partner, my financial advisor, my friend, my spiritual companion, and college football buddy. Your beautiful life you have shared with us, that created so many great memories will forever be engraved in mine. See it takes a special person to do the job that we do and you did it with such grace and admiration for others. You are a great father and husband. Your love for your family goes without saying. You have taught and raised such precious children and loved your beautiful wife as best a man could ever dream to. You never feared sharing the fire and passion you have for The Lord with anyone. My brother in Christ, you have blessed us all with your time here spent on earth. As you walk with Jesus, I hope you smile down at us and give us the strength and courage as will push on with life. I miss you so much and will always miss you.

My brother in heaven we love you! GO LSU!

 

Another squad mate, Deputy Green, sat with our family and told us story after story of working with Scott.  It was good to know these stories.  We knew Scott, as family, but I didn't really know him as a deputy.  We will remember the stories forever.

 

The next few days ran together.  It was deputies everywhere, food coming in from local restaurants for breakfast, lunch and dinner, kids running around the house, friends stopping by to check on the family, flowers being delivered, people doing anything and everything that needed to be done to keep the house running with so many people in it. 

 

We knew by Wednesday, later afternoon, that the viewing would be Friday, February 14 and the funeral would be Saturday, February 15. 

 

O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting? 1 Corinthians 15:55

 

On Thursday morning, "Our Deputy", Tory, picked me and the kids up and we went by Chick-fil-a to grab breakfast before heading over to be with the family.  Tory had his mourning badge on and one of the customers noticed it and said he was sorry about the loss of "the deputy".  It brought me to tears, although I tried to hold it back.  I had been almost secluded, in a cocoon of personal friends, family friends and other deputies who were mourning but to hear it mentioned from a citizen of Orange County made me so proud, and sad and it was so...real.  Tory never identified us and later said that he didn't know if that would have made me uncomfortable.  I told him, I was so proud and it would be fine.

 

  By Thursday, I was beginning to grasp what type of funeral this would be and knew my kids did not have the proper clothing for a such a funeral.  Tory took us to JCPenney, Target and Wal-Mart to get everything we would need for the following days.  When we were checking out at Wal-Mart, the clerk asked Tory about sending flowers to the funeral.  Once again, the tears started coming.  Tory told her to make a donation at the local credit union for Scott's family and then introduced me as Scott's sister.  Even though there was a pit in my stomach because she was speaking of my brother, my heart swelled with pride.

 

On Friday morning we went to the house, to be with our family.  The visitation was coming and I dreaded it. 

 

I didn't want to see my brother in coffin. 

 

I had just talked to him Sunday. 

 

He was so alive.

 

I wanted to remember him that way.

 

Parker chose to stay at Bridget's with his cousins to play.  Hayden wanted to go to the visitation.  We had already been told about who would be in each limo as we drove to the church for the visitation.  We went outside and visited with the deputies, while waiting on the police motorcycles that would be leading the motorcade.  It was quite the sight to see these motorcycles all coming down the street.  A few minutes later several limousines and then a nice bus came to carry us to First Baptist Orlando. 

 

But, as it is written, "What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him"...1 Corinthians 2:9 

 

 In our limo was Mom, Jimmy, Brandon, Hayden, me and Chad.  We all got in our limos and waited and then saw Bridget come out.  She was wearing black dress slacks and one of Scott's favorite LSU shirts.  It was so touching.  We followed directly behind the limo that held Bridget and her mom, aunt, grandma and siblings.  As we drove I looked around noticing how everyone was going about their business.  I wanted to be going about my business...anything but this.

 

When we got to the church Bridget got out first and went in the church with the pastor of First Baptist Orlando.  Within a few minutes the rest of the family filed in the church.  Brandon and I both agreed that as everyone else was filing by the casket that we would just sit towards the back of the church.  As we took our seat towards the back, the rest of the family went by the casket.  A moment I will never forget was when Hayden went by the casket, he was crying and went to sit a few pews back from the front.  Bridget got up from her seat, a few pews up from Hayden and went and sat by him.  She held him as if he were her own.  She talked to him and loved on him.  This once special relationship Hayden had with Uncle Scott would now be shared with Aunt Bridget.

 

  We stayed for maybe an hour before we saw Scott's squad and their spouses coming into the church.  They stood at Scott's casket paying their respects, wiping tears from their eyes and hugging their spouses a little closer.  At the end of the visitation, we are circled up, holding hands and Chad prayed.  Deputies and their spouses mixed with Scott's family, making up one big family of people who loved Scott. Forever bonded by tragedy. 

 

I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. 

John 10:28

 

The following day, Saturday, February 15, 2014 was the day Scott would be buried.  We walked into the house filled with all of Scott's family friends.  They were all wearing small LSU buttons in memory of Scott.  The house was a frenzy, everyone was there all at the same time, dressed in black.  There was a public visitation at 11am, followed by the funeral at 2pm.  Parker would, once again, stay with his cousins.  There were some special friends of Scott and Bridget's that stayed with the kids during the visitation.  That day there was one limo and two big black busses to carry everyone. 

 

When we pulled out of the subdivision, we were escorted by the Orange Country Sheriff's Office.  The images from that ride are seared in my head.  Traffic was completely blocked to get us to the church.  When we first pulled out of the subdivision, I saw a lady who was standing next to her car with the door still open and her hand over her heart.  Tears filled my eyes seeing her, just exactly like they are doing now as I replay those scenes in my mind.  The people of Orange County didn't just go on about their business, they mourned with us, too.  We saw countless people pulled over on the side of the road in respect of Scott and our family.  I was so sad, so proud and so in shock that we were going to the funeral for my 34 year old brother.

 

As we arrived, at the church we pulled up and noticed the sidewalks of the church lined with law enforcement officers from departments all over.  They were all standing at attention.  We followed behind Bridget and several Deputies as we went into the church.  We were led into a room where we went by a table that had Orange County Sheriff's folders that had an 8x10 picture of Scott in it.  We all went by the table and picked one up.  I then saw several framed shadow boxes.  There were two different shadows boxes.  One style shadow box had Scott's picture, his name plate, badge and sleeve patch.  The other shadow box had all of that plus the Medal of Honor and Medal of Valor.  I also noticed an LSU helmet signed by Les Miles and a blanket with Scott's picture hanging up on the wall.  We all sat in the circle of chairs and they gave us a bagged lunch and bottled water.  After we ate a bite they presented Bridget with one of the shadow boxes with the medals and a two other framed awards explaining the Medal of Valor and Medal of Honor.  My Dad and Terry and Mom and Jimmy both got the same shadow boxes and framed awards.  I was looking on so proudly at Mom's award and then I saw them walking towards me with a shadow box of my own.  I couldn't believe that I would get something so special.  I was fighting the tears trying to listen to what Sheriff Demings was saying as he presented the award.  I don't know a lot of what was said but I know it is one of my most prized possessions.  Wherever I live for the rest of my life, it will have a prominent place in my home.  Scott's squad got together and presented Bridget with the LSU helmet knowing that is something Scott would have really loved.

 

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.  Matthew 5:8

 

After the presentations, it was time for the public visitation.  We were all escorted in the church where we sat in the first few pews.  There were two lines of people waiting to pay condolences.  One line was for law enforcement officers and the was for the public who wanted to pay their respects.

The people would go down the line shaking hands with our parents, stop at the casket and then stop and talk to Bridget.  I was sitting on the 2nd row at the end, when a lady came up to me and told me she knew I was Scott's sister and she had hired Scott and worked with him for years in the banking business and said that he always talked about his love for his family in Louisiana.  Made me so happy to hear. 

 

Once the visitation was over, we all went back into the room to take a breather and get ready for the funeral.  We walked back into the church for the funeral.  The place was filled with law enforcement officers, people who knew Scott, the Governor of Florida and other officials and our family.  Bag pipes played,  Sheriff Demings, Scott's squad mates, a special friend, Scott Hepburn, and the preacher all spoke.  Scott's friend and former squad mate, Yehuda Green, read a letter from Bridget and a slide show played showing Scott being Scott...a great husband and loving father.   It was so sad, yet so inspiring all at the same time.

 

I don't know that I've ever left a funeral where I left feeling so very sad and at the same time felt inspired to be a better momma, a more loving wife, have a LOT more fun and tell more people about Jesus.  The people who sat in that sanctuary had no doubt where Scott was right that moment.  He wasn't in a casket, he was alive and worshipping our Heavenly Father in Heaven.

 

We left the church and went to the cemetery.  When we got off the bus there were a sea of law enforcement officers saluting.  We heard the bag pipes, saw the riderless horse, listened as Taps was played, watched the 4 helicopters fly over and the doves be released, sat reverently as the guns went off for the 21 gun salute and cried through the last call.

 

You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.  Psalm 73:24

 

We then went to the beautiful place where Bridget chose for Scott to be buried.  It was a short service at the burial site before we left Scott's body one final time.  It had been a long day for everyone.

 

A local church fed us and we visited with all the family and people who loved Scott's family.  We went back to Scott and Bridget's house one final time and kissed and hugged Bridget and the kids.  I didn't want to leave...none of us did.

 

 Chad had flown back to Shreveport as soon as the funeral was over Saturday.  The kids and I were taken to the airport Sunday morning and we flew home.  I came back thinking...did that really happen?  Unfortunately,  it was all very real.

 

As I finish this, nearly 5 months after Scott's death, the pain of this loss is still very real.  He is missed so much and, life, without Scott, will never be the same as it was before.  We have to live this life without him and it's hard but I'm so thankful that I got the privilege of being Scott's sister for 34 years.  Scott LOVED to live and he would want us doing the same thing...so I will continue on and when I get sad, I will look into the eyes of his babies and remember him.  Thank you Brother!

 

 

 

A couple of songs that have encouraged me throughout this tragedy:

 

Broken Hallelujah by The Afters

 

I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.

I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
Let me always sing Hallelujah.

I will always sing
I will always sing
Here's my broken hallelujah. 

 

He is With You by Mandisa

 

There's a time to live
And a time to die
There's a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There's a time for war
And a time for peace
There's a hand to hold
In the worst of these

He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still, and your heart's a stone
Cryin' God, what'd You do that for
He is with you

There's a time for yes
And a time for no
There's a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There is a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this

He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
He is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don't know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you

We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light

He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space and you feel alone
And you're worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes He is with you when you've given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you

When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you